Outer beauty is a by-product of inner beauty.
Inner beauty comes from knowing one’s value and believing in it. Not just on the days, you look good, but on the days you look god-awful and still, you know you are “worth it” whatever it is!
What is the secret to this je ne sais quoi you ask?
It’s knowing you are the priority of your life!
High value, high vibe, boss ladies are The Queen of their lives. They neither expect, nor do they accept, less than they deserve or want.
They prioritize their needs wants and wishes above all. Not in a selfish demanding way. In a way that lets the world know, I am here and worth it!
This may sound simple, but for many women, it’s the hardest thing in the world to do.
Honestly, I think for the most part it’s not because we don’t want to, or are incapable. I believe it’s because most of the time we simply aren’t aware that we are putting everyone and everything else before ourselves. When we do that, it shows the world our value. It shows the world the price tag we put on our time, talents, gifts, and resources.
The value you hold for your uniqueness tells the world your purchase price.
Sometimes our price is simply too cheap. We sell out, or settle for mere crumbs at our own dinner table.
Sometimes, it’s obvious how and when we sell out or settle:
- Your sister always asks you to babysit her kids, and you say yes no matter what you’ve got going on “she needs the break!”
- Your boss dumps work on you as you are just about to walk out the door, and you stay late.
- Your good friend’s bridal shower falls on the same weekend you planned a spa day, and you cancel your pampering – mind you, it’s her third marriage, but who’s counting.
- Your kids need new shoes, karate lessons, music lessons, tutors, and so you put off buying yourself that book you’ve been dying to read over a hot cup of tea and a bath all the while thinking who has the time to read anyway?
Other times, it’s not so obvious. In fact it’s subtly disguised as “the right thing to do,” e.g.:
- You never take lunch, sick, or vacation from work, because you don’t want to leave a pile of work (hint: there’s always a pile of work, that’s actually why you have a job!).
- You’ve walked past the dance studio three times and long to sign up for lessons and still your dance shoes remain hanging in your closet. You simply don’t have the time right now.
- Your kids don’t need another video game, but you desperately need a pedicure, and yet the new game is in your purse as we speak.
- You’ve been meaning to schedule a physical, but simply haven’t gotten around to it – you feel fine.
- You can’t remember the last time you and your girls had a night out or even a girl’s night in for that matter, but either way, you are too busy or too tired so so you probably couldn’t make it anyway.
These reasons seem noble, seem like the right thing to do. Seem like you are being a Queen who takes care of her Queendom.
But in the end …
You long for social connection that has nothing to do with work or your children.
Spa days are “Nah-days”.
You haven’t been on a date in who knows how long.
And sex, fuggedaboutit!
You look at your girlfriends and co-workers and wonder how some women seem to have it all. You wish that whatever “it” was, “it” would rub off on you.
There’s no mystery and it’s not rocket science.
Those women make themselves the priority.
They know that when their tank is full there is more of them to go around.
They make sure to fill their tanks daily, weekly, and monthly.
They don’t allow themselves to be empty.
How do they do this?
Practice. Practice. Practice.
Daily. Daily. Daily.
But how does one practice prioritizing themselves after a lifetime of making sure everybody and everything else is satisfied before your needs are even considered?
It’s not as hard as you might think.
Here are a few baby steps you can take that might nudge you in the right direction.
1 – Prioritize yourself and your needs. If you don’t get fed, nobody gets fed. This isn’t selfish. It’s self-preservation. You can’t give what you don’t have. If your cup is empty, you’ve got nothing to pour.
2 – Set ironclad boundaries and limits and then honor them. Don’t just tell yourself what you are and are not going to do. Share your boundaries with others. Not as some dramatic declaration, but as the need arises and firmly. “I am on my way out, but I can get to it right after my 9 am meeting.” Be clear succinct and unapologetic about keeping your boundaries.
3 – Re-negotiate deadlines to work for you. Get curious about what is being asked, why, and the impact. Typically, you find out people want it when they want it because they want it. More often than not it’s never about a hard deadline, but an arbitrary one the person sets for their convenience. A highly attractive woman knows that someone else’s “important issue” does not constitute an urgent issue for her. She sets the deadline according to her priorities, not theirs.
4 – Flexes your “No.” muscle. Being able to say “No.” really makes room for you to say “Yes.” to the important things; things that matter or are meaningful to you. Most people fear to say “no” because they fear the person won’t like them, un-friend them or some other form of social castration. On the contrary, the person typically likes you MORE. They know that you set and keep boundaries, that you are not a doormat and they respect you for it. Often after a couple of “no’s,” they won’t even come to you with a nonsense request they could have handled on their own.
5 – Be willing to take the risk of being unpopular to be in integrity with yourself, and your priorities. This may take time and practice, but focus on the life you are creating, the things that matter to you and eventually you will no longer be concerned about someone like you, approving of you, or your choices about your priorities. You know what it takes to keep you whole, healed, nourished, and radiant. Be unapologetic about taking care of yourself first, getting your needs met, and managing your priorities first.
It’s simple, but may not easy. We have such demanding and fast-paced lives it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Hey, you can be overwhelmed before 9 am if you read the email before you get to work (which is why I don’t by the way).
This isn’t about cutting people out. It’s about letting the most important people in. It’s about loving yourself enough that you are choosy about what you give your time, attention, and energy too. If it’s nourishing you, serving you, lifting you, encouraging you, then it’s a yes. Anything less that than that, means that you are de-valuing your time, talents, and abilities by being on someone else’s program and not your own.
If you don’t value your time, your energy, your vitality, your spirit, someone will always be there to take it, use it, drain it, or give it away.
Make sure you make yourself the priority of your life.