Don’t Be Greedy . . . Drop being Needy!

woman-and-man-looking-at-each-other-on-the-roof

Needy is the new creepy!  It’s absolutely a turnoff and borders on uncomfortable to sit across from someone who gives you the vibe that they are only there for what they can get from you.  It’s even worse when you know they are shopping for something specific (sex, a housekeeper, a good credit score, a mother for their child, or a mother figure – ick).

After a divorce, being needy is likely a stage we all go through.  Our femininity, ego, self-esteem has been to hell and back trying to make sense of the devastating loss of the love of your life (or at least the love of your life up until this point).  You question yourself, your motives, and your actions. All of which is perfectly normal given the circumstances.

In the aftermath, we naturally look for support, comfort, encouragement, and validation.  Not just about the fact that we made the right decision to divorce, and we’ll be ok, but we want to know that we still got “it”.  We want to know that we are still attractive, pretty, sexy, desirable. And if some of the transitions of divorce have yet to be resolved or completed, we may need more tangible support in the form of resources.  

I can remember being frustrated and scared every time my car needed work.  I didn’t know anything about cars and I felt like I was being taken by every mechanic.

But in the end, no matter what our needs are, we have to find a way to meet them for ourselves.  Just like you don’t want to sit across the table from a desperate man, he doesn’t want to sit across the table from a needy woman.

While this is a perfectly natural state in the aftermath of a divorce or break up, it is not the natural state of healthy human beings.  

It’s important for your own personal health, and the health of any future relationship, that you find a way to get your needs met.  When you come to the date, relationship, or marriage leading with your needs, it feels greedy, like you are a taker, seeking only to gratify herself rather than be in a healthy exchange of love and partnership where there is a balance of give and take from both parties.

Thirsty folks attract other thirsty folks at best; at worse, they attract people who will play to your thirst, satisfy their own, and them move on.  Either way, you end up getting hurt and feeling used. For more on this click on my #dateniteRx tip: dateniteRx.

Healthy relationships start with healthy individuals.  Healthy individuals come to the table understanding how to meet their own needs instead of demanding that their partners do so overtly or manipulating them covertly.

No human being can meet another’s needs, nor is it their responsibility.  And frankly, it’s unattractive.

I mean think about it this way . . . how sexy is it when you meet a man who has his ‘ish together.  The only thing he’s looking for is a woman to bring joy into his life. That’s HOT!  

Well, ladies, men feel the same way.  There’s nothing sexier than a woman who gets her own needs met and allows him to treat her like a Queen, instead of a princess who needs to be rescued. In spite of what tv and Disney tell us, most men do not enjoy being “Captain-Save-A-Ho”!

They do enjoy the company of a woman who is grounded and open to a relationship.  A woman who meets her own needs, and doesn’t cheapen her value for a few trinkets, cash, or sex.  She knows she’s a high-value woman and is looking for a man who is worthy of her value.

Remember, Kings are seeking Queens, not needy princesses looking for completion instead of her compliment.

Xxs,

Coach Ivy

 

Want more tips on How to Bring Your Sexy and Make it More Fun and Exciting than Christmas Morning?  Click here for all 9 tips: 9 Ways to Bring Your Sexy Back.

 

Why Self-ish is so Damn Sexy!

Being irresistible is a mindset before it’s a reality.  If you do not have the mindset that you are attractive, desirable, irresistible, no matter who tells you that you are the most alluring creature he has ever seen, you will not believe them.

Irresistible is not about what you wear, your hair, makeup, or weight.  It’s about you believing that you are a high value, woman with something to offer.  It’s about you believing that not only are you physically stunning, but you are emotionally secure, spiritually grounded, intellectually savvy, and mentally astute.  You believe that you are the total package. And therefore, you are irresistibly attractive to yourself.

Sexy Silhoettes

“Without you, attraction isn’t possible.”

If you don’t feel irresistibly attractive to yourself, you will not be attractive to others. Without “you” attraction isn’t possible.

That is to say without the real you, real and lasting love and partnership isn’t possible.

Real and lasting attraction, relationship, partnership, is based on something other than physical chemistry.  It’s based on what I like to call the chemistry of character.  It’s not about a pretty face, it’s about the radiance that exudes when you know who you are and your own value.  Not because of what he tell you, but because you know it for yourself

He doesn’t have to validate it.  

He doesn’t have to affirm it.  

He doesn’t even have to acknowledge it.  

It’s not for him, it’s the core of who you are.  It’s the you that shows up and is unapologetically you.

No representative.  No games. No manipulation.

Just you, the whole you, and nothing but you.

That’s not to say you download your life on the first date – that’s not attractive either – yikes!

But you do fully show up, as who you are; not who think he would like, want, or marry.

Real relationships are comprised of real people.  

At some point the real you does show up.  Imagine the disappointment when he finds out you are not who’ve you’ve pretended to be.

Heck, I’m sure you’ve had that happen to you.  We’ve all had that great guy who turned out to be something other than he said or demonstrated he was on those first couple of dates.  And, it was “Lose my information” moment.

Being self-ish is about being your authentic self standing for your own full expression as a woman, a mother, a professional, an entrepreneur, all of the above, none of the above or something else.  You know who you are and you respect and appreciate yourself and require the same of any man you date. And if not, no harm no foul. You simply move on. Because darling, you’re too amazing to accept less than being treated like The Queen you are!

Self-ish is sexy because this is a woman who owns all the parts of herself, warts and all.  

Being self-ish means you know who you are and your are unapologetic for all that you are, and all that you are not.  It it’s liberating and refreshing when dating. And it it definitely sexy. Most men are so used to women playing games, doing what they think men will like and want, to make him choose to be in relationship with you.

But the woman who is self-ish enough to know her value, her worth, doesn’t play those games.  She shows up, I mean fully shows up in the presence of a man, as a woman who knows and values herself.  She’s not looking for validation, she’s looking for a King. And a man who knows his worth, is also self-ish, looking to share his value with the woman he sees a Queen.

High quality men are looking for high value women and will settle for nothing less than the most authentic radiant version of yourself.  And he’ll treasure you like the Queen you are.

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Are You Ready to Captivate Your King in 2018?

Happy New Year 2018 ChampaigneWelcome to 2018!

It’s a brand new year, ladies.  This is one of my most favorite times of the year.  It’s the time when the slate is wiped clean and we have the opportunity to write a new story or change the ending to an old one.

It’s the one time a year we as women are the most forgiving of ourselves.  That’s right generally speaking 360-ish days of the year we are really judgmental, critical, unforgiving, and generally harsh towards our bodies, our actions, our words – both spoken and unspoken, our habits . . . as women, we basically beat ourselves up until we either simply give up or buckle under the self imposed pressure to be perfect.

Then a few days before and after the start of a new year, we become incredibly forgiving. We acknowledge how far we’ve come and where we want to go. Our faith in ourselves is restored we set magnificent BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) and 10 days in we are back to beating ourselves up for making such a ridiculous goal in the first place.

Well, nuts to that!

This year, let’s take a page from the latest book The One Thing and pick the one thing that would mean the most, propel us the farthest, be the most fulfilling, and leave us deeply satisfied.

For some of us it may be a embarking upon a new career, buying a house, taking that dream vacation, or finally getting that dream car we’ve been fantasizing about.

But let’s face it, if you are on my mailing list, follow me on Social Media, or reading this blog you are a smart, successful, savvy woman who will likely achieve all that and more. 

What your soul is longing for, is a love life that rocks!  

couple kissingWhat you truly want, is to attract the love of your life so you can share all of that hard won success.  And that’s not to say you don’t share it with family and friends, but we know, it’s not quite the same as sharing it with your man.  That special someone that gets you, sees you, holds you, loves you.  The One who is the warrior for your heart and the lover of your soul.

Well this year, I’m making in my mission to help as many ladies as I possibly can attract and captivate the love of her life, the heart of her King.  I am committed to standing for REAL (romantic, enlightened, authentic, and lasting) love and sexy soulful partnerships for years to come.

 

 

 

I’ve dedicated my FB Group to teaching you the secrets that men will never tell you and your girlfriends don’t know.  The best of the best is all there for Y-O-U.  Including direct access to me (I hang out here the most when I’m online).  It’s for ladies only so don’t worry your secrets are safe with me.  Go here now to check it out!

Your story has not yet been written; or for those of you in a relationship and wanting a change, your story has been finished.

It is never too late to declare a “do-over”, to wipe the slate clean, and begin again with a fresh perspective, a renewed commitment towards love, romance, partnership, relationship and men.

All you need to do to begin again is to believe; to believe that love is possible for you, for your man, at any time, any place, any age, any stage of life.

And I am here to help!  This year, I am committed to helping my ladies in every way I can to finding true love, REAL love, and lasting partnerships with her One, her true King.

And to do that I’ve got lots of things planned for you, including:

💗 Introducing The Seven Habits of Highly Attractive Women

💗 21 Day Journey of Sensual Self Care

💗 Live Events in February and March

💗 Love Calls – A PRIVATE Call with me to ask Your Most Burning Relationship Question and Get it Answered

💗 Live Stream Trainings

💗 Webinars

💗 And Special Guests Trainings

And that’s not all!!

There will be opportunities for one-on-one and group coaching to make sure you have EVERY opportunity to Captivate Your King in 2018.

Trust me, you don’t want to miss a minute of what I’ve got planned for you!

This is is going to be the year; your year.  

Let’s make it reign . . . men!

To Your Love,

Coach Ivy

P.s. Remember my best goodies are shared in my FB Group. Click here to join!

P.s.s. If you really want to kick it up a notch, join my private mailing list.  All my ladies who are serious about captivating her king connect with me there.  You’ll get fresh content, tried and proven methods to enhance attraction and engage in soulful partnerships, not to mention all my best offers, and discounts get offered here first.  Click here to join now!

Until Death Do Us Part; But the Death of What?

Until Death Do Us Part; But What has to Die?

I was watching Iyanla Fix My Life this past weekend and she asked a very poignant question. She said people take the vow “until death do us part,” but what has to die for you to say the relationship is over?

Is it the death of our intimacy, the relationship itself, the emotional well being of our children, our physical safety, or the death of our essence or self, or the death of our ego.

I can totally understand that we must die to our ego’s to be in relationship. In fact that‘s the only way you can be in a healthy relationship or else it’s all about you and what you can get from your mate rather than a shared partnership.

But I don’t think relationship requires death to our Selves with a capital “S”, I think the little “self” is the ego. That part of you that wants what it wants when and how it wants it. And then I think there is our higher spiritual Self, our highest expression, that part of us that came to fulfill a purpose. And often your role in the relationship is part of that purpose, And at the same time, I don’t think we should have to give up that very critical part of who we are, why we are here simply to have a man in our lives.

I don’t think we should compromise on ensuring the wellbeing of our children and their safety and I certainly don’t think we should compromise on our own safety.

I am not an advocate of divorce. I’ve said many times, I am a hopeful romantic, believing in boundless love, held together by our commitment to creating a life with one another that honors, cherishes, and respects the other. And when that love is suffocating and debilitating I think it may be time to reevaluate, regroup and reassess the value of the relationship.

Death do us part, could simply mean the death of the primary purpose we came together, maybe it was simply to parent kids, maybe it was to grow you both in a way that would prepare you for the relationship you have after this one. Maybe you were never supposed to be together in the first place and what must die is your unhealthy attachment to one another.

I do know that relationships call for us to be all in and if something has to die for us to bring our full selves to be in the relationship, it begs the question if this is the relationship I was meant to be in. Yes we should, evolve, grow, and grow up. But we should have to lose ourselves in or to the relationship to have it. Nor should have to compromise the wellbeing of our children, our family or anything else we hold dear. A relationship should enhance the life you have, not cause it’s untimely demise.

So if you are in that relationship that has you feel like a little of you, your hopes, your dreams are dying each day, ask yourself what more has to die before I choose me before we.

Don’t Believe the Hype – The Real About Self Care

Everyone that follows me, has attended any of my seminars, live streams, or been a coaching client knows that I advocate self-care.

Not because it’s some coachy, jargony, cool buzz-word; or because every other coach is talking about it and I think I should be talking about it; or even because there are people who’ve made millions on the subject and I want my cut.  

I talk about it because this is a real solution to a real problem that women have in their over-scheduled, over-hectic, over-achieving life styles.  

Ladies, we are so busy trying to cram as much life as we can into our days, that we basically give up our right to have a life; we bow to the will of our Siri-Alexa smart phone virtual assistant, and she (like us) continually overbooked our days, nights, and weekends.  Hey, I know from personal experience, I’ve been guilty as charged.

But there comes a point in every woman’s life where she just hits that wall.  There’s a morning when you wake up, the house is quiet, and you just lay there dreading your whole day of “have-tos”.  You dream of Jamaica, The DR, or a cruise to somewhere, anywhere, and can’t remember when you took a vacation, without the kids, without your laptop, without your Siri-Alexa assistant to remind you which way was up.  And, then you just feel defeated because you know that trip can’t come anytime soon (or could it?). So you sigh, close your eyes, and try to steal five more minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off, the kids wake, your honey rolls over, or you start feeling anxious about today’s presentation at work.

But here’s the real on this ladies.  Self care isn’t some lofty coachy idea.  Self care is what every human being owes themselves if they want to live a long, healthy, and prosperous life.  We spend so much time chasing life – aspiring, achieving, acquiring – there is no room to relax, refresh, and recharge.  

Studies show that women are more likely to experience physical symptoms of stress than men.  Stress can show up in many ways; headaches, back aches, being short-tempered,  forgetful, lack of energy, lack of focus, and ultimately, stress can impact your ability to get things done.  For some, it even results in a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, and even have an impact on your relationships.

And, it doesn’t have to be like this!  You can take mini self-care vacations every day, or at least a few times a week, to improve your health, emotional and spiritual well-being, and your longevity.

You don’t need to drop everything you are doing and hop on a plan to the Virgin Islands. (Although, I recommend if you are able to do so, go for it!)  You can carve out 5 to 30 minutes each day to pause, breath, and honor your needs.  

Whether it’s taking a bath, having a coffee, chatting with a girlfriend, reading a book in the park, or journaling at lunch, these mini self-care vacations are the glue that hold you and your life together.  

Self care isn’t for sissies!  It takes something to set boundaries and honor them.  It takes courage to actually require Siri-Alexa to put in a self-care block in your calendar, and often the strength of Wonder Woman to actually honor it!  

You can’t pour into others, what you don’t pour into yourself.

Don’t wait until your body is failing, your relationships are in jeopardy, or you forget the big birthday party your child has been going on about for two weeks.  You don’t have to walk out of the meeting, get into a fight with your man, or go on strike at home until the laundry covers the top floor of your house.

You can simply carve out a few minutes each day, or a few days a week, to honor yourself, your needs, your body, your mind, and your spirit, in a way that fills you up and restores your soul.

Take the time, any time to begin to pay yourself first.  Even if all you can start with is one minute a day, then claim that minute with vigor and victory.  Protect that time as if your life depended on it.  And for some of us ladies, it might.

Want more ideas on how to take better care of yourself, join my free 5 day live stream challenge:

The Art of Paying Yourself First: How to Increase Your Energy, and Express Your Irresistible Essence with Confidence.
Ready to start paying yourself self first, and living a life you can’t wait to wake up to, click here: Makeover My Life.  

A Letter to Men


Fellas –

In this dog eat dog world  you guys get a bad rap. And most especially from women. We are hard on a brother. And generally not because of anything you did, but because of the long line of “sit down” fellas that preceded you. There are very few rights a passage for men in this day an age. At least for American men with few exceptions.
 

This cycle begins with fathers, who may not have been around at all; or if/when they were, they half-assed being a daddy as their fathers had before them. Not out of malice or a lack of love, but a lack of instruction or know how. And let’s face it fellas, you can give what you don’t have, or teach what you don’t know. The best of you reach out, figure it out, and commit to being a better man than those before you. The rest, I personally think are simply lost in their own struggle(s) with no one to show them them way. I’m not man, but my guess is just like being a woman, without someone to show you the way, the journey is long, hard, and the ass-kickings frequent.
For women dating those dudes it looks like, (or feels like) anything and everything from being with a guy who simply has no integrity – i.e. does not honor his word, or trying not to project your frustrations from that last “sorry” so-and-so who lied, cheated, couldn’t or didn’t commit, used her, or all of the above.  

 

Throw in the the hundreds of hits you get from the less than honorable gentle-”men” online, and what you have is a generation of women who have lost faith in a man’s ability to be a man; or a “good” man however she defines it.

 

With no hope to meet the man of our dreams, we fully installed our “bitch-shield”, and pray for the best. This is that wall of resistance, anger, bitterness, distance, or disdain that you guys probably encounter as early as the first phone call.
Years of training have taught us not to believe, not to trust, not to open to a man, because we know that in the end, we’ll be the ones listening to One Last Cry by Brian McNight, drowning our sorrows in Hagen Daaz. 

 

Years of practice have harden our once soft hearts, making it damn near impossible for a man, any man, great, good, or in-progress, to get in without scaling the fortress of judgment, fighting dragons of the past, only to be required to give us a kiss of pure love and commitment before you even know our name.

 

And, it’s not fair.

 

No we shouldn’t judge you based upon our experience of the past, but if that’s all we’ve got, and we girl’s feel justified in protecting ourselves. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m saying that’s how it is.

 

And it’s not just women, that give men a bad rap, it’s society at large. There are no television shows with strong men. All the sitcoms portray men as idiots, or being controlled by women. The women earn the money and run the family.

 

All of the drama’s have men as players, or if they are in a relationship they are liars, cheaters, or abusers or have to come to some crisis of belief before they “fall” in love and “discover” that she is the one.

 

Romance novels paint unrealistic pictures of the “perfect” man leaving women to ponder “Where the hell is this dude?”

 

Reality shows give us the scarcity take on relationships – i.e. there are very few men in the world in general. And the few that exist are out either out of our league (all millionaires in LA, or 22 years old software geniuses who’d rather play video games), or we’ll have to scratch and claw our way through 20 women to get to one good single man in our office, church, singles group.

 

Self-help books tell you to work on yourself and don’t worry about the man at all. He’ll either show up or if he doesn’t, eventually you won’t care. So embrace being lonely and like it.

 
Well, I don’t believe it! I don’t believe all men are players, commitment-phobes, or idiots; I don’t believe that men aren’t capable of real intimacy, real connection, and mature relationships; and I sure as hell don’t believe that men don’t want intimacy, partnership, and love.

 

 What I DO believe is that we’ve made it impossible for men, masculine men, to show themselves,and be appreciated. 

 

That holding a door gets you a nasty look. Offering to carry a package, gets you a nasty comment, and offering a compliment or comment about her beauty or feminine charms gets you slapped.

 

I get it. It’s not easy to be a man today. It’s not easy to have your masculinity accepted, appreciated, llet alone celebrated.
And you know what? You know what the real truth is?
Women are DYING to see MEN!! We are LONGING to know you exist. 

 

We want to see you.

 

We NEED to see you.

 

We want to witness your masculinity.

 

We want to revel in it, be protected by it. This isn’t about taking us back to the 1920’s where all there is for women is the kitchen and the bedroom. This is about showing up as the full power of masculine men in the face of the fullness of a feminine woman.  
It’s about a man being able to be in the presence and accept all of me/us as woman and still be in your masculine. There is NOTHING sexier that a man holding his full masculine presence energy in the full expression of a woman. 
It is this expression of masculinity that we want to see, need to see. We ladies are looking for our compliment, our rock, and our champion.

 

We want to see men; men who lead and men who love; men who laugh and men who cry. Men who father and men who parent. Men who keep their promises, and men who act with generosity as well as ferocity.

 

We need to know that you actually exist, that the there is real possibility for lasting and loving relationship with a grown a*s man, capable of grown up love.
Yeah, I know some of you say yeah, I’m that guy and women don’t want me, like me, or the package I come it. They are condescending, commanding, demanding, and downright domineering. And frankly no one has time for the nonsense.
Hey, I hear you. And I write this letter as someone has to make the first move.  
We have to see with better eyes and engage with an open heart.

And my request of men is to stand firm in the fullness of your masculinity.
Maybe just maybe we can meet in the middle.

 

So MEN . . . Show Yourselves . . .

 

Men of integrity, show us that you can honor his word and your needs..

 

Men of strength, offer to help me with my packages. In fact, insist. Show me that this man never lets a woman struggle when your strong arms and take the weight.

 

Men of tenderness, lend me your shoulder when you hear the sadness of my voice. Wipe my tears with your gentle hands when they spill onto my cheeks. Show me you can handle my sadness even when it’s inconvenient and you can’t fix it.

 

Gentlemen, hold my doors, offer your arm when we are walking, request a call to so you know I’m home safe. Help me with my coat, take my hand when I’m stepping into and out of your car. Gently usher me into a building with your hand in the small of my back, and present me as someone meaningful in your life to friends and family.

 

Lovers learn what pleases and pleasures me. Don’t just “understand” that my body needs more time, honor that, support that, usher me to fulfilment, allow me to completely surrender to your touch.

 

Protectors don’t be afraid to stand up to me and for me. If I’m being a shrew, gently remind me of who I am, and remind me of who you are, my man, on my side, loving me always. Stand for me when we face the world. Have my back, don’t leave me out there uncovered, unprotected, vulnerable. Stand with me when we create our lives. Be a stand for our relationship, fight for us, protect the sanctity of our relationship against internal threats infidelity, boredom, routine, and outside threats – non-supportive family and friends, tragedy, sadness, health issues, family crisis, and demanding careers. 

 

Providers create a safe space for me to be me, for me to be loved exactly as I am exactly as I am not. Do your share to contribute to our lives emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and financially. Create as space me to flourish and blossom.

 

Fathers show me you can be a dad, present for your children, respectful of their mother no matter your status. That you can be emotionally available and financially responsible for any child you have brought into this world. That YOUR children are important to you and a part of your life. That you refuse to contribute to the next generation of women who can’t see a man as a gift.

 

Leaders share your relationship vision, your life’s mission. Let me see that you are actually going somewhere doing something. That your aren’t self-absorbed but rather a self-advocate for all. That you know what you want, and aren’t afraid to go after it, no matter what it is, including me. That you aren’t afraid to lead me, to lead a relationship, to lead a family into a life of love. It may not be a perfect life, but you can be counted on to be there making choices with me in the trenches, in the moments when life is rough. 
Your masculinity belongs to you. Of course you don’t need a woman’s permission to express or give your gifts. I also know the world is not making it easy for you to show up fully, present as masculine. Women have been conditioned not to trust the masculine with our bodies, with our hearts, with our hopes, fears and dreams. Now more than ever we need you to show up, stand up as the full expression of masculinity; as warriors for truth, champions of children, protectors of family; as leaders, as lovers, and as friends.
I know you are out there. 

Show yourselves.

You will be welcomed.

Top 5 Traits that Will Attract Any Man

Ok, it goes without saying that men are visual creatures. So this won’t be an article that tells you what you need to do to improve your biology and physicality. I’ll leave that to Shape and Vogue. I think we all know that being a part of the hunter gatherer tribe known as the human race, good health is a major attractor factor and traits like hair, skin, nails, teeth all play a part in overall attractiveness. Then genetics take over and we can add eyes, hip to waist ratios, your radiant smile, and graceful posture and you’ve got the ingredients to become a goddess. Throw in a bit of decoration and accentuation and your presence packs the visual gut punch you’ve to bring most men to their knees.

But looks aren’t everything. All that biology is really about initial attraction, and that’s the easy part. Add a dash of chemistry and you definitely have the makings of a hot one night stand or weekend bone – nanza (like what I did there?). But what turns your Mr. Right Now, into Mr. Now and Forever? How can we turn his desire, into delight? What is it that makes a woman the total package, that something that will hold his attention beyond diner and drinks and after sex?

I thought you might ask that. So here are seven traits that almost every man wants in his women.

  1. Kindness: Yeah this one blew me away. It’s so simple but I suspect in today’s fast food, “me/I” society, it’s harder to come by than we think. Almost every reference I pulled up had this one listed in some form or another. One even reference a major study of 10,000 men where this was the number one trait. A man pays attention to how you treat others and how you treat him. It’s all about the little things, being on time, being polite to friends, family, servers, people really, being thoughtful and concerned about more than just your needs. Kindness translates into consideration. And all men (and women too) want to be with someone who is considerate of their needs, wants, and wishes.
  2. Passionate (about something or everything): Men want to see your passion, the thing that lights you up from the inside. The cause that calls you forward; the injustices you want to make right; the unwavering love you have for animals; the quirky obsession you have with Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. Your passion is what makes you interesting. It’s the fire that gives your radiance. It gives you something to share and shows him something unique about you. And at the end of the day, in spite of what all the magazines and reality shows try to tell you about simply being a babe in a bikini, turns out, being you, quirky passions and all, is the ultimate attractor factor.
  3. Sense of Humor: Ok I think this one is self-explanatory. No one wants to be with a stick in the mud. If you can laugh at yourself, then you can laugh with him (make sure it’s not at him – no one likes that), Trust me ladies, if you take yourself and these guys too seriously, you will end up single for the rest of your life. If you simply take a step back and breathe, you’ll find yourself laughing at the hilarity of this thing we call dating, this journey called relationships. Dating and being in a relationship is one of the most entertaining human experiences there is. Think about how many books, movies, tv sitcoms, commercials, and reality shows have been written to do just that. Like the book says, don’t sweat the small stuff, and may the farce be with you! And yeah, I crack myself up, lol!
  4. Appreciative: Take the time to show and tell your man how much you appreciate him. If you want him to keep coming back acknowledge him for the big things for sure, and more importantly the small things. This will ensure you get more of all things. This is especially true if you are in a long-term relationship. Studies show men in long term relationships feel more criticised than appreciated. Want him to stick around? It’s import that he is acknowledged for that the man he is and his contributions to you as a woman. No sky-writing or seven course meals are required. A simple thank you, a smile, or loving touch will do.
  5. Honesty: Ok ladies this can be tough for us, not because we aren’t honest, but because the truth is hard; hard to say, and hard to hear. And at the end of the day, both men and women report wanting honesty in their relationships. The truth gives us choice. The truth gives empowers us. The truth takes a level of evolution and maturity in relationship. The truth builds intimacy and respect. Without truth, you cannot have real lasting love. Without truth you are constantly working to keep up the facade of who you think he wants, rather than allowing him to see the beauty in the truth of who you are. The key here is to share your truth in love and with respect. Let your words be kind (see number 1) and your touch be appreciative (see number 4) while the truth falls from your lips like a gentle rain. Trust me, he won’t be able to resist you.

There you have it ladies. Not rocket science. No magic bullet, or potion required. Men appreciate the simple things. Offer your most authentic version of these traits and watch him move from desire to delight by having you as his lady.