Needy is the new creepy! It’s absolutely a turnoff and borders on uncomfortable to sit across from someone who gives you the vibe that they are only there for what they can get from you. It’s even worse when you know they are shopping for something specific (sex, a housekeeper, a good credit score, a mother for their child, or a mother figure – ick).
After a divorce, being needy is likely a stage we all go through. Our femininity, ego, self-esteem has been to hell and back trying to make sense of the devastating loss of the love of your life (or at least the love of your life up until this point). You question yourself, your motives, and your actions. All of which is perfectly normal given the circumstances.
In the aftermath, we naturally look for support, comfort, encouragement, and validation. Not just about the fact that we made the right decision to divorce, and we’ll be ok, but we want to know that we still got “it”. We want to know that we are still attractive, pretty, sexy, desirable. And if some of the transitions of divorce have yet to be resolved or completed, we may need more tangible support in the form of resources.
I can remember being frustrated and scared every time my car needed work. I didn’t know anything about cars and I felt like I was being taken by every mechanic.
But in the end, no matter what our needs are, we have to find a way to meet them for ourselves. Just like you don’t want to sit across the table from a desperate man, he doesn’t want to sit across the table from a needy woman.
While this is a perfectly natural state in the aftermath of a divorce or break up, it is not the natural state of healthy human beings.
It’s important for your own personal health, and the health of any future relationship, that you find a way to get your needs met. When you come to the date, relationship, or marriage leading with your needs, it feels greedy, like you are a taker, seeking only to gratify herself rather than be in a healthy exchange of love and partnership where there is a balance of give and take from both parties.
Thirsty folks attract other thirsty folks at best; at worse, they attract people who will play to your thirst, satisfy their own, and them move on. Either way, you end up getting hurt and feeling used. For more on this click on my #dateniteRx tip: dateniteRx.
Healthy relationships start with healthy individuals. Healthy individuals come to the table understanding how to meet their own needs instead of demanding that their partners do so overtly or manipulating them covertly.
No human being can meet another’s needs, nor is it their responsibility. And frankly, it’s unattractive.
I mean think about it this way . . . how sexy is it when you meet a man who has his ‘ish together. The only thing he’s looking for is a woman to bring joy into his life. That’s HOT!
Well, ladies, men feel the same way. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who gets her own needs met and allows him to treat her like a Queen, instead of a princess who needs to be rescued. In spite of what tv and Disney tell us, most men do not enjoy being “Captain-Save-A-Ho”!
They do enjoy the company of a woman who is grounded and open to a relationship. A woman who meets her own needs, and doesn’t cheapen her value for a few trinkets, cash, or sex. She knows she’s a high-value woman and is looking for a man who is worthy of her value.
Remember, Kings are seeking Queens, not needy princesses looking for completion instead of her compliment.
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