As women we are great at denial. We have perfected the art and science of being a martre.
We say we can’t because we don’t have time, because we are too busy taking care of everyone else.
We say we don’t have money, because we spend it all on our kids, house, care, bills.
We say we are too tired, because no one gives us a break.
The truth is, we are in massive denial.
I remember my first transformation. I was in denial about losing weight, taking care of myself, my looks, my wardrobe. I had a “mommy body” and the wardrobe to match. I’d become artful at hiding. My hair was always in a bun. My clothes always baggy and I didn’t wear makeup. I was content (denial) being a mom.
Then one day my daughter – she was about 2 – climbed up a flight of stairs to her room and followed. I got winded and had to sit down at the top. I couldn’t believe it. I was in my mid-30’s. I was young and vibrant, living like I was 75 in a nursing home.
I remember I read this teen romance novel (don’t judge me) when I was in HS. In the story the teen heroine goes to a slumber party and her mom drops her off. She overhears the girls talking about her mom and how overweight she was. I’m being kind as I retell this story. These teens were merciless. It made me think of my daughter. If I didn’t get myself together, I was going to be the mother, taking her kid to slumber parties, hiding in the car so I don’t embarrass my daughter.
I had to face the truth, I’d let myself go. After my daughter was born her dad and I separated. Like her dad, I’d lost any interest in myself as a woman. It was then I had to finally face reality. If I wasn’t interested in me as a woman, why would any man be? I know. I know. He was my husband, death do us part and all that, but you can’t ask someone for validation you can’t give to yourself.
He always thought I was attractive. I never believed it. And it because a self-fulfilling prophecy. No this wasn’t why my marriage ended. But I had to stop denying that it was a contributing factor.
I didn’t want to continue to lose what was important to me. It was time to stop denying and start deciding.
Deciding to make time, and actually take time for me.
Deciding to work out instead of watch tv.
Deciding to get new clothes and stop hiding behind black draps swathed across my body.
Deciding to learn how to apply make up and actually buy some and wear it.
Deciding to get a nutritionist.
Deciding to reinvent and reclaim my femininity, starting with loving myself enough to stop denying what was right in front of me.
Self-care, self-love is powerful heady stuff.
When you treat yourself well, you live well, and you feel good. Your confidence soars; your lifestyle improves; your relationships are enjoyable. The world reflects back to you how you treat yourself and how you feel about yourself.
When you deny yourself, the world will deny you too.
Stop denying yourself. Empower yourself, with selfcare and self-love, and watch your life turn into the epic adventure, you always knew it could be.