Compromise Kills Relationship – Tolerate Nothing!

Always wear your invisible crown

If you watched #dateniteRx on my Coach Ivy FB page this week, you probably know I feel strongly about this one.

When we compromise our standards, our requirements, we sell out on our dream of a REAL (romantic, enlightened, authentic, and lasting) love. We “settle’ for what we think we can get, instead of standing for what we know we deserve.

It is important to understand the impact of that when we are dating.  If there’s one place you want to stand your ground this is it!!

Tolerations drain you.  Over time, tolerations are the gremlins in a relationship that steal your affection, desire, and connection with your partner.  Think about 20 years of putting up with something you never liked in the first place. You are headed for a massive explosion, one your partner won’t understand since you’ve been “putting up with it” and “suddenly” it’s not good enough, nerve-wracking, or irritating.

Where you start in relationship is how you maintain or end.  If the jumping off point starts with something you don’t like or is a standard you’ve compromised on, it’s not likely to get better; in fact, it may even be the thing that causes the relationship to end or a significant contributing factor to the demise of the relationship.

This also teaches your partner how to treat you. If you’ve accepted this behavior, idiosyncrasy, or habit he may believe you like, appreciate, or even desire this type of behavior in other areas of your life.  If he’s jealous of men at your work, he may think you find this attractive and demonstrate this behavior when it’s inappropriate or even offensive, like with co-workers or your children.

And lastly, you devalue your worth when you settle.  You are telling men you can be bought for less than you are worth.  And when you sell out on your value, you sell out on the having the quality man you want and the relationship you deserve.

Do not allow the gift of your femininity, your spirit, your love, your Queenly essence to be purchased so cheaply.

Don’t settle.


Stand for being treated with courtesy, respect, going on a date (not just coffee), being called (not just texted), gentlemanly behavior, and being a prominent thought, not an afterthought.

Stand how you want to be treated, adored, cherished and loved.

Do not accept behaviors that are not in line with being the Queen you know yourself to be.  A true King respects and values the woman who values herself. The minute you devalue your worth by accepting less than you deserve, you tell him that you are NOT the Queen he believed you to be.

Remember Kings are looking for Queens.

Tolerate nothing!

And watch your King treat you like Queen you are.

As always my best advice happens online in my FB Group: Dating 201: Finding love the 2nd Time Around! Click the link to join!

Waiting for Thor: Five Ways You Might Have Unrealistic Expectations of Men You Date

Ok,Thor I wanted to call this Waiting for Superman until I realized it was a documentary on the education system in DC – great piece BTW. Then I realized that Thor and his “enchanted hammer” might be a far better example for 2014. And at the very least Chris Hemsworth – cast as Thor – is dreamy!

I am enamored with superheros! I always have been. I must have been one in a former life, I am sure of it! I mean what’s not to love, they have perfect bodies, amazing powers, deep sensitive personalities, even the brooding bad boy or nerdy types are hot. Some are rich, many are handsome, and a few are down-right sexy! What’s not to love?

But superheros aren’t reality. And, I don’t live in the Marvel or DC Universe (fictional worlds that birthed these yummy men). Neither Superman, nor Thor is waiting around to take me away from all of “this”. And truthfully I don’t want to be taken away. What I really want is my version of Thor, to come into my life (with his “enchanted hammer” of course) and we create a very real, and deeply satisfying relationship.

But I’ve noticed lately, that’s not what’s being promoted out there in the real world. We got The Millionaire Matchmaker, The Bachelorette, Bachelor Doctor segment on Dr. Oz, not to mention all of the romantic comedies and love stories featuring Morris Chestnut, and Ryan Gosling. All these men are “perfect”. Well their resumes are any way. The have great jobs, great bodies, handsome faces, lots of money, a mansion, fast cars, they know how to dress, they are sensitive, caring, and want a commitment to only one woman.

Yet, when leading groups and seminars for women, that just doesn’t seem to be the reality. Women (and men for that matter) are frustrated, lonely, sad, and disappointed. They’ve somehow chosen to “renovate” Mr. Potential, or they are waiting for one of these impeccable resume guys to come along. Neither of which ever works out for anyone.

I’m not saying Thor Continue Reading